The “cut them off” theory—trending on TikTok in recent weeks—centers on ending things with a potential partner early on, often over what others might see as minor or seemingly trivial needs.
Intelligent? Check. Has a stable job? Check. A good sense of humor? Check. But, he didn’t bring cookies? Now that’s a deal breaker!
The list of seemingly frivolous reasons to ditch a potential partner can go on and on for singles hopping on the “cut them off” dating trend. But is it really that harsh?
The “cut me off” theory, which has been the talk of TikTok in recent weeks, involves ceasing contact with a suitor early on for what some may consider as “small needs.” The idea is that if they act in a seemingly unacceptable way from the get-go, they’re likely to do the same, or even worse, as the relationship progresses.
You know what they say—it won’t get better as it gets closer. This theory is pretty much like setting standards and never ever compromising them, even as early as the dating stage, for your own good. And those who have decided to cut things off with a lover do it quickly and firmly—no turning back.
It started blowing up on social media when TikTok user @heyphatty posted a video, narrating how she suddenly broke things off with a man she was texting, calling, and going out with consistently for six weeks. The reason? “He didn’t wish me a safe flight,” she said.
“I don’t think there’s a reason too small to cut off a romantic relationship,” she began in the video. “I cut him off because he didn’t wish me a safe flight. I believe that, especially in early stages of dating, if you get an inkling that your needs are not being met, it’s fine to move on.”
Related story: Finding Cupid? Here’s how Viber Dating lets you feel the spark and skip the scam
Related story: AI relationships: Yay or nay?
She went on to explain that the guy, whom she admittedly admired before the incident, also went on an entire weekend without speaking to her. “If we’re close and you’re going on a trip soon, I’m going to wish you safe travels. So my travel day, my weekend with my family came, and I didn’t hear from him until Monday,” she stressed.
She said that her almost-lover wished that she had given him time to explain before calling it quits. “But quite frankly, especially in early dating stages, I don’t have time to waste,” the content creator said. To date, her post has earned 207,800 likes and 6,826 shares on TikTok.
@heyphatty I stand by it! #storytime #dating #datingstorytime #single ♬ original sound – pintobrean
She later posted another video explaining that although some may think that the man “dodged a bullet” after she left him, she stands firm on her decision. “Boundaries are meant for you—to keep yourself accountable when someone crosses the line,” she said. “I am already in my thirties, I am a mother of one, I do not have the patience or care to train someone on how to treat me.”
Based on the thousands of comments on the viral video, this content creator isn’t the only one practicing a cut-them-off-with-no-regrets mindset when looking for a partner. One user wrote, “He texted me pics of the cookies his mom baked for Christmas. Then came to my house the next day without a cookie. Bye.”
A user with a similar experience said, “He went down to the hotel dining and didn’t bring me breakfast. Bye.” Another one commented, “He made himself coffee in his kitchen right in front of me and didn’t make me one or even offer.”
There was also one who got irked when her lover said, “Call me when you feel better,” after her dog died. Then there’s one whom we all probably relate to: “He didn’t wish me a happy birthday.”
Should you or shouldn’t you cut off “inconsiderate“ suitors?
Simply put, the “cut them off” theory isn’t just a TikTok trend. For many, it’s a means to keep your peace and honor your self-worth. It’s about knowing and establishing your standards—from petty pet peeves to crucial non-negotiables—rather than diving head-first into a relationship you know you wouldn’t be completely comfortable in. After all, what you compromise to keep, you will eventually lose.
Sofie Ross, licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, explained this in an interview with Her Campus. She said, “We all have our small needs represented as well. If you always need to compromise your small needs and never see them being fully respected, then it’s worth it to overlook your relationship and see if you have a bigger issue, such as your partner simply not respecting you.”
Now that we’ve seen the good part, perhaps it’s still important to remember that establishing one’s own standards in a relationship doesn’t actually require hurting your partner.
“What they need to keep in mind is that their perspective might change with some active and healthy communication,” Angelika Koch, relationship and breakup expert, told the New York Post. “What appears to be a red flag might not be that at all, it might just be a momentary lapse of judgment or misunderstanding.”
“Everyone has things they need to work on and work through,” she continued. “There should always be zero tolerance for abuse, but not for mistakes. Everyone makes them.”
Related story: Click, swipe, block: How my two-year virtual ‘relationship’ crashed
Related story: Are Filipino millennials more hopeful about marriage than their Asian counterparts?
Cutting connections abruptly can have emotional and psychological consequences on the people involved. That’s why when you notice some behavior that you find discomforting, Koch advises to “reflect on how the action impacted you before you react to it.”
“Once you have reflected, ask your partner questions to make sure you clearly understand their side of what happened,” she added. “Once you know their side, explain how their actions impacted you and what you need from them moving forward.”
Related story: Being brave enough to say yes to a second chance at love
