In a twist straight out of a satire, the tech company battered by “Coldplaygate” has called on Chris Martin’s ex-wife to disrupt the algorithm.
It’s ironic, it’s funny, and for a moment I thought it was a parody or a video created by AI.
It’s the kind of stunt you’d expect from an SNL sketch—or someone with too much time tinkering with AI. Then again, in the history of corporate crisis management, few companies have faced a scandal quite like Astronomer’s. The affair activated online sleuths, triggered anyone who has ever been cheated. It went nuclear online so quickly that in just a few hours, everyone and their spouses and workplace were identified.
Why? Because these are the times we live in. Because the internet has seen too many tech bros flaunt their power and not suffer the consequences of their misbehavior as we do in real life, and people are quicker than ever to call out this kind of behavior today. It was a full-blown PR apocalypse before Astronomer could even issue its first statement.
As the experts say, ‘The best way to handle a crisis isn’t to manage it away, but to lean so far into it that you emerge on the other side.‘ That’s exactly what Astronomer did.
Let’s rewind to July 16, when the jumbotron at a Coldplay concert caught Astromer CEO Andy Byron and HR head Kristin Cabot playing in a very public space. Both married to other people, they were caught embracing and quickly became the topic of millions of conversations and angry comments.
The three statements Astronomer posted on Twitter/X starting on July 19 didn’t help contain the fallout—in fact, each one got even more people talking, which escalated the scandal instead of extinguishing it. It did not help either that people began uploading fake statements and making fake accounts for the views.
But over the weekend, Astronomer dropped a video featuring Gwyneth Paltrow with the caption, “Thank you for your interest in Astronomer.”
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The irony is so delicious! Married to Coldplay frontman Chris Martin from 2003 to 2016, Paltrow now speaks on behalf of the company whose executives were exposed at her ex-husband’s concert. It’s the kind of meta-narrative that social media celebrates.
I’m pretty sure 99.9% of people who saw the video had never even heard of Astronomer (which will forever be associated with the scandal), but Paltrow’s script made sure to open with a reminder that there are actually hundreds of people working at Astronomer. This is not just about two people, but a whole company that employs hundreds of people, so please don’t cancel Astronomer.
With a serious and faintly befuddled expression, Paltrow says, “Hi, I’m Gwyneth Paltrow. I’ve been hired on a very temporary basis to speak on behalf of the 300+ employees at Astronomer. Astronomer has gotten a lot of questions over the last few days and they want me to answer the most common ones.”
Cut to a black screen that types, “OMG! What the actual f…” With impeccable timing, she interrupts the question and says, “Yes! Astronomer is the best place to run Apache Airflow, unifying the experience of running data, ML and AI pipelines at scale. We’ve been thrilled that so many people have a newfound interest in data workflow animation.”
It’s a brilliant misdirection. For every question we’re dying to ask an Astronomer insider, she interrupts with what Astronomer actually does which was a mystery to everyone outside the tech industry.
Strategic pivot
How much would you bet that Astronomer consulted a small army of crisis PR teams, marketing strategists, and brand consultants to solve its spiraling image problem?
Whoever told Astronomer to lean into this scandal because nothing would slow it down except irony and humor deserves to be on retainer.
Less than 48 hours after the Goop founder and Oscar-winning actress added “very temporary spokesperson” to her resume, her involvement has somewhat distracted the conversation away from why Kristin Cabot hasn’t been fired when Andy Byron has already resigned.
And yet, for every person online that applauds Astronomer’s move, there are 1,000 others who don’t understand irony, calling out the company for “treating adultery as a joke.” These are probably the same people who keep demanding that Byron’s wife and Cabot’s husband issue a statement—as if they owe people a show of tears.
As the experts say, “the best way to handle a crisis isn’t to manage it away, but to lean so far into it that you emerge on the other side.” That’s exactly what Astronomer did when they hired Paltrow to do that video.
Watch the original TikTok video showing Byron and Cabot embracing at the Coldplay concert here.
