From the beginning, the odds were stacked against them as a whopping 67% of second marriages, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce in the US.
So the rumors are true after all. Hollywood A-list couple Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are headed to splitsville as the Latina actress files for divorce after only two years of marriage.
But Bennifer—as fans and tabloids love to call the would-be ex couple (though Ben’s first wife is also a Jennifer)—goes far back, way beyond the measly two years they called themselves Mr. and Mrs. Affleck. Their relationship, in fact, spans two decades, two engagements, two weddings, and “headlines too numerous to count.”
The filing on Tuesday, Aug 20, in a Los Angeles Superior Court didn’t really come as much of a surprise as rumors had already been swirling about the couple’s separation. The news was first reported by the TMZ website, which further said that JLo listed the date of separation as April 26, 2024. It added that she did not mention any prenuptial agreement.
In separate reports, TMZ said that the couple has put their marital home in Beverly Hills up for sale, Ben has bought his own house in Brentwood, and that JLo is on the hunt for a new house.
I still remember following their love story very closely in the early 2000s as a former JLo stan (I guess many of us older millennials adored her). They had a whirlwind courtship and engagement—which were well documented pre-social media days—on top of two box-office flops, Gigli in 2003 and Jersey Girl the year after. And suddenly, they called it quits, citing the many pressures of being under constant public scrutiny as one of the reasons of the (first) death of their relationship.
Then, much to the delight of fans, myself included, the two reunited after 20 years, even marrying twice in 2022. They first exchanged “I do’s” in A Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, after lining up with their license with four other couples. JLo called it the best night of the couple’s lives.
“Love is beautiful. Love is kind. And it turns out love is patient. Twenty years patient,” wrote the New York-born singer, actress, and entrepreneur after announcing their Las Vegas wedding, signing off as Jennifer Lynn Affleck. A month later, they had a much grander wedding at Ben’s Georgia home, this time, in front of their loved ones.
Both JLo and Ben had been previously married. The Academy Award-winning actor and filmmaker, 52, married Jennifer Garner, with whom he shares three children, in 2005. They divorced in 2018.
The 55-year-old JLo, meanwhile, had been married three times before. She was briefly married to Ojani Noa from 1997-1998 and to Cris Judd from 2001-2003. Her longest marriage was to fellow singer Marc Anthony (also Dayanara Torres’ ex), with whom she was married for a decade. They were wed in 2004 and share 14-year-old twins. She dated former baseball player Alex Rodriguez in 2017, but the couple called off their engagement in 2021.
Numbers don’t lie
Looking at both Ben’s and JLo’s marriage history, statistics are actually stacked against their favor. It has been said that almost half of all marriages in the US end in divorce, but the numbers are even higher for subsequent marriages, as per the Micklin Law Group, an American law firm that specializes in divorce and family law matters. A whopping 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.
So why do subsequent marriages have a high rate of collapsing? According to Good Housekeeping, these marriages come with their own challenges, primarily the balancing of finances and families, along with the ability to communicate honestly about both. Some people also carry issues from their first marriages into their second.
While many people learn from the mistakes of their first marriage, an expert says, ‘It gets harder and harder to keep the show on the road as you move on to the next marriage.’
Data from the US National Center for Health Statistics reveal that women who brought children into their second marriages — about 40% of them — were more likely to see them fail within a decade.
But not all is bleak in second (third, fourth, and so on) marriages. They do have certain strengths, such as the couple bringing in more wisdom the second (or more) time around. “With a bit more maturity, you realize that there are usually two points of view,” says psychotherapist James Miller.
He adds that unlike in many first marriages, people often know what they want from a second marriage and partner. They also tend to be more mindful of “yellow flags” and so, “when a situation seems off, people in a second marriage are quicker to bring it to attention.” This mindfulness allows them to address a problem before it escalates, he says.
As for rekindled romances, like Affleck and Lopez’s, studies have found that while second-chance relationships can be more fragile, they are not all doomed to fail. About 40% of these couples go on to have successful relationships.
These relationships often require more effort, as past issues may resurface. Couples must be willing to address these issues head-on and work together to create a stronger foundation for their future.
Author Dr. Mark Banschick writes about the reasons second marriages don’t work out in Psychology Today: “Often the people concerned are vulnerable; they do not allow sufficient time to recover from their divorce or to get their priorities straight before taking their vows again. They enter their next marriage for the wrong reasons, not having internalized the lessons of their past experience. They are liable to repeat their mistakes, making them susceptible to similar conflicts, and another broken marriage follows.”
He adds that “there are many people who learn the lessons of their first divorce and move on to happy, long second marriages. But all the evidence suggests that it gets harder and harder to keep the show on the road as you move on to the next marriage. It is this trend that is reflected in recent divorce statistics.”
We will never fully know what went wrong with Bennifer 2.0, and sadly, they will end up as just another number in the statistics of failed marriages in the US.
