We waited three long years to have our dream wedding. Jofer and I waited six years to be together. I waited my whole lifetime for a love like this.
When celebrity “It” couple Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin called their divorce a conscious uncoupling in March 2014, it wholly resonated with me. The concept was comforting: how a mutual decision to live separate lives and still co-parent together did not mean having to blow up a marriage where family members become collateral damage.
When I first met Jofer, I found this quote on Instagram that inspired me: “It’s impossible,” said Pride. “It’s risky,” said Experience. “It’s Pointless,” said Reason. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart.
I mused about this in my now-defunct blog The Gypsetters. Perhaps my own marriage coming apart meant something better would come together. I got married too early, too soon. Toward the end it took its toll, not only on my mental, emotional, and physical health, but also on my son Enzo’s as well.
The decision to end it was difficult, but in its place came the space for healing. Four years later, I was brave enough to share my story.
Just say yes
Shortly after I wrote that article, an acquaintance asked if I would be willing to go on a blind date with her friend visiting from San Francisco. I said yes, simply because that year I agreed to whatever the universe threw my way.
It didn’t matter that I didn’t know a thing about Jofer aside from the fact he was a single parent, like me, and that he lived 7,000 air miles away. He also read my story and it made him really interested in meeting me because he was going through the same thing.
That yes to a blind date bloomed into a romance. Similarities in our upbringing, our marriages, and the herculean task of raising children alone bonded us. Our chemistry was indescribable. We both felt like giddy teenagers falling in love for the first time.
We felt as if we knew each other from another lifetime, because being together was so easy. Despite living in separate parts of the world, our connection only grew stronger the more we got to know each other.
While on a trip to Kyoto to see the cherry blossoms in 2018, Jofer proposed. In 2019, a judge legally binded us at San Francisco City Hall. We had long discussions about me moving to San Francisco so we could finally close the chapter of our long-distance era.
We decided for Enzo to finish middle school with his friends in Manila and start high school in San Francisco the following year. We also planned for a big destination wedding in Bali before the Big Move.
Love in quarantine
“The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry,” said the poet Robert Burns, and the world stopped when the Covid pandemic was declared. Travel bans were implemented, indefinitely derailing our destination wedding and move. Businesses started to cancel flights and hotel bookings, but our wedding villa would not return our deposit despite the circumstances.
It seemed impossible to think when we could travel again—we couldn’t even take a walk around our gated community—but I couldn’t bear to just let it go. With hope in our hearts, we rescheduled a new date for 2021.
During the pandemic in 2020, my son Enzo and I packed up our lives in 18 shipping boxes. Armed with our face shields and masks, we immigrated to America with five suitcases, a balikbayan box, and two carry-ons.
In June 2020, Philippine Airlines declared they were offering limited flights out to San Francisco and other key US cities. Enzo and I packed up our lives in 18 shipping boxes. Armed with our face shields and masks, we immigrated to America with five suitcases, a balikbayan box, and two carry-ons.
Despite the craziness of what was going on around the world, life in San Francisco was quiet. Jofer and I were happy to nest at home in our own bubble after spending so much time apart. It was strange to discover new quirks about someone you thought you knew.
Aside from the hiccups of trying to blend two halves of a family, we settled into our life of everyday routines. It was so much fun doing activities together such as road trips on long weekends, carving pumpkins for Halloween, and decorating our first Christmas tree.
By 2022, Jofer and I were finally able to start planning our Bali wedding again. Travel restrictions eased and PCR tests were no longer needed, so we rescheduled our date for June 2023. With everyone’s lives busy and back to normal, we invited family members and our closest friends from Manila and the US. We expected 25 would show up. As the date drew closer, that number grew to 50.
Dream destination wedding
After three years of living abroad, June marked our first time to travel to Asia as a family. In Bali, we reunited with family and friends from Los Angeles, Portland, Las Vegas, San Francisco, New York, Singapore, El Nido, and Manila.
The immense joy of being able to hug everyone I haven’t seen in years brought tears of joy to my eyes. To have lived with such uncertainty and fear, separated from loved ones, and then gathered together in one place for our wedding was magical. Being away for three years made me appreciate being together even more.
I couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful June afternoon as the sun streamed its rays through the lush tropical jungle that made up our villa’s backyard and set the backdrop for our wedding day.
A Balinese priest performed the Byakaon, a Balinese blessing ceremony, to whisk away all negativity from our lives and invite balance, peace and harmony. Only his intonations, the tinkling of his bell, and the sounds of the jungle could be heard. After performing several rituals together and guided by our priest, Jofer and I exchanged rings and sealed our union with a kiss. It was a perfectly intimate, serene, and sacred ceremony.
Afterwards, everyone celebrated with cocktails, dinner, singing, and dancing. Jofer and I thanked all our guests for celebrating our special day, and in turn, many of our family and friends gave heartwarming speeches for us and blessed our union. You could truly feel the love radiating from every single soul present. We were all so grateful to be there together.
We waited three long years to have our dream wedding. Jofer and I waited six years to be together. I waited my whole lifetime for a love like this.
I wouldn’t have gotten to experience any of it if I never said yes. So, open your heart. Keep your mind open. Do crazy things, move countries just for love—because life is short and you never know if a pandemic or something else is just around the corner.
When I first met Jofer, I found this quote on Instagram that inspired me: “It’s impossible,” said Pride. “It’s risky,” said Experience. “It’s Pointless,” said Reason. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart.
