If I could, I would give every human being a sister to grow up and old with.
A sister is one of the constants in life. She’s the person who witnesses life unfold in your younger years, then takes a different path without ever really going far away. She’s the one who’s always around, and just gets you. She understands the tone of your voice, or that gaze you give her.
Growing up, I always looked up to my sister even if I am a few years older than her. She was the coolest girl in my eyes. She needed only an hour to memorize a rap song. She made friends easily, keeping the best ones as confidantes up to this day. Abbey’s the middle child who either mediated fights or served as the ally to turn the tide. She’s headstrong and acts like the eldest when we need her to be, and she’s the heart of the family who showers us with a love like no other.
I never really knew what else moms could be until Abbey became one. Aside from my mom’s journey as a single parent who raised three children, hers is the only story of motherhood I know very well. Hers is the only path that has taught me a few additional truths in life.
In 2009, Abbey officially became way cooler when she became a mom.
When news of her and husband Dodie’s pregnancy was shared to the family, my mom foretold that their child would bring sunshine and joy to us like no other. Fifteen years later, we do have a ray of bright sunshine in their daughter Gabriella—and incomparable happiness from their second child Al. Both have glued their family together, wherever they are in the world. Gab and Al are undoubtedly the superstars in our bunch, always with the best antics and sweetest gestures. And as we watch them grow up, we also witnessed my sister’s journey as a mother.
Seeing my sister differently
I never really knew what else moms could be until Abbey became one. Aside from my mom’s journey as a single parent who raised three children, hers is the only story of motherhood I know very well. Hers is the only path that has taught me a few additional truths in life.
“When your sister becomes a mother… you see your sister differently,” wrote Zaron Burnett III in his piece When Your Sister Becomes a Mother. And like Zaron, I marvel at sight of my little sister taking care of her own little ones.
You see, I used to take care of Abbey. Now, she is co-parenting two kids. She’s a mom who attends parent-teacher conferences, pays for tuition, and gets to order her children around. Before this era, only our mom did this.
When Abbey gets mad, I secretly giggle at the sight of her glaring eyes and earth-shaking one-liners. And when the kids comply with her wishes, I often say, “Tao na talaga sila! (They’re officially human beings!).”
I wait for the most extreme circumstances before admitting I need help with certain things. But my sister has taught me that even the simplest favors can mean the world to someone.
We even established a group called “Takoma” or “Takot Kay Mama (Scared of Mom),” chaired by her husband Dodie. Even he knows to beware of this momma when she gets mad.
Seriously, my favorite part of Abbey’s motherhood is how she is teaching me many things about life, like those lines in a rap song. You hear it, you memorize the words, and soon enough, you find yourself singing along.
Change the story. As much as she continued family traditions like writing cards and small notes and saying, “I love you,” before a phone call ends, there were things that have been deliberately changed for Gab and Al. It probably stemmed from our experiences as children, but whatever practices we could better for this generation we changed.
When we have time away from the kids, we discuss these in detail and share the reason why we prefer to do things differently. As a family, we want to reduce the unpleasant experiences and strengthen the role we have as parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Every generation has a chance to redefine and refine a family’s dynamics. We’re taking the good and leaving the bad behind.
Grand love. Gab and Al form the bridge that connects us all. Abbey and Dodie go the extra mile to let the kids spend holidays with our aunts and uncles who are based overseas. Their house is always open to family who visit from abroad, ready with the best meals and entertainment care of the kids.
The wisdom she has in strengthening the bond between generations makes the children enjoy play time with our mom (who they call Tita Mommy), shopping with Tito Euge, school car rides with Tita Vic, vacations and hangout sessions with our dearly missed Tita Teth, and holidays and inside jokes with the family. My aunts and uncles have retained their titles, and our generation gets to be the ninangs (godmothers) and ninongs (godfathers). We often joke around with the kids that we remain the favorites. But from the look of things, the grandparents have made a clear choice.
Ask for help. I wait for the most extreme circumstances before admitting I need help with certain things. But my sister has taught me that even the simplest favors can mean the world to someone. They would sometimes ask us to take the kids out on a Saturday so they can clean the house or do errands. My husband Kap and I are always willing volunteers. After a day at the mall, we bring the kids home to a clean house, parents who had a good massage and a peaceful trip to the grocery, and even a fresh-from-the-salon look for Ate Marnie, their caretaker of 15 years!
Abbey has made some of the bravest decision I have seen anyone take. She takes after our go-getter mom. It should be revealed that for every decision, it’s likely that she has an Excel sheet in the background.?
Be bold. Abbey has made some of the bravest decision I have seen anyone take. And my mom often told me I will understand her reasons when I become a parent myself. She would always walk us through how things and decisions will impact the kids. She takes after our go-getter mom. It should be revealed that for every decision, it’s likely that Abbey has an Excel sheet in the background. Family trips, home renovations costs, and even holiday purchases must be laid out well. My sister takes her time to weigh options, identify ways to save, and make the most reasonable decision based on empirical data. How’s that for being thorough?
Always the little sister. I love how Abbey remains to be a daughter, a sister, a niece, and a good friend. When we’re about the make the kids cry with our jokes, Abbey tells our mom to scold us. She would check how many coffee cups I’ve had in a day (and then get mad). She keeps the strongest friendships, all the way from grade school. And still tells our Tito Euge about a coat she would love for Christmas. We are all still sharing parts of her heart.
But my favorite part of Abbey is how she remains my little sister who still lets me take care of her. Yes, privacy officially died in our family when the kids learned to read our phone messages. But in secret, I still find ways to baby my sister.
She asks me if she’s doing enough, and if she’s doing what’s right for the kids. She tells me about the long days and her worries. She tells me about the stress at work and asks what she should do. My little sister is there behind the indestructible mom suit of hers. It’s so big of her to still think she’s not on top of it all when she is. She and Dodie are raising two beautiful children who, as my mom predicted, just continue to shower us with immeasurable happiness.
On behalf of the Takot Kay Mama council, Happy Mother’s Day to my little sister.
