Here are tips for parents traveling with their children—as well as advice for the passengers that are stuck with them.
I am not comfortable calling this an article on travel etiquette since I am hardly an authority on proper manners and good behavior. However, what I do have a lot of are self-awareness and empathy, which reminds me of my favorite Emily Post quote: “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”
Having said that, it is difficult to be conscious of the feelings of others when you have an irritable infant screaming at the top of their lungs for the last three hours. Or if your preschooler is doing headstands in his chair because his energetic body wants nothing more than to get up and run.
When you are confronted with, “Please make your baby stop crying,” resist with every muscle in your body to reach over and smack them in the mouth. Aggression is never the way, especially at that altitude
As a passenger, it might also be difficult to have empathy for a mother clearly struggling with an unhappy child when you yourself have your own issues to deal with (like fear of flying or motion sickness) or if you have paid good money for your spacious business class seat only to have the sound of wailing on loop.
What I am getting at here is that since everyone is already stuck in this situation with really nowhere else to go, there is no better time to show a little compassion for your neighbor. Parents should understand that an airplane cabin is shared by many and that the ideal atmosphere is peaceful and relaxed.
The game plan is to make the flight as pleasant as possible for everybody, and that includes the flight attendants. While they are there to assist passengers with their needs, us parents cannot assume that they should be picking up after our children or assisting with diaper change. Still, while these are not required of them, it would be really nice if they do but that is entirely up to them.
Travel preparation is everything
It’s best to always come prepared with all your children’s needs packed within your reach in your hand carry: milk, first aid, gadgets, books, cleaning aids—everything you need to keep the little ones fed, safe, occupied, and tidy.
For the bigger kids, make sure they are mentally prepared for travel. Tell them what to expect, both the pleasant and unpleasant details. Teach them what to do when they feel pressure in their ears (“it’s completely normal”) and to let you know when they are starting to feel dizzy and might need an air sickness bag (“again, completely normal”).
If your child is a bundle of energy, then best to have them practice sitting still with a gadget or a toy. They are never too young to be taught how to use their “inside voice,” which is what they use for talking inside a classroom, in church, at formal events, and restaurants. The same modulation is required during air travel.
My child, my responsibility
I might occasionally doze off during a flight, especially after a glass of wine or two, but if I can sleep with one eye open, I probably will. Nothing annoys me more than having my backrest kicked from behind, and I do not want my child to be the cause of another passenger’s discomfort. When I am the recipient of these kicks, I make it a point to address the accompanying adult and avoid the urge to speak directly to the child.
Parents know how irritating it is when other adults reprimand their child, so to avoid making matters worse, calmly address the adult and say something like: “Excuse me, kindly tell tour son/daughter to stop kicking my back rest. Thank you.” The appropriate response would be for the adult to apologize on the child’s behalf and make sure it does not happen again, but we do not always get what we want. If that does not work, then best to have the flight attendant handle the situation.
Taking the high road
Make eye contact. Smile and greet your aisle mates. Humanize yourself to the other passengers and there is a bigger chance of them showing compassion. Here’s hoping that when your infant starts crying nonstop, they will simply zone out with their earpieces and immerse themselves in a movie or escape to their “happy place.” Maybe they will down their vodka soda and just try to nod off. The best possible scenario is that they will leave you alone to figure out what is causing their baby discomfort and find the best way to pacify them.
However, there will be those who will simply not have the patience and might lash out. When you are confronted with, “Please make your baby stop crying,” resist with every muscle in your body to reach over and smack them in the mouth.
Aggression is never the way, especially at that altitude and everyone is just wanting to get to their destination. Calm yourself and simply answer, “believe me, I am doing the best I can.” By keeping your cool, you retain the peaceful environment around your child, you keep things classy, and that person ends up looking like a turd sandwich.
Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use, according to Emily Post.
Common courtesy should not be a complication, but rather, well, common. Sharing an armrest should not turn into a wrestling match— it should make complete sense that your seat mate is just as much entitled to it as you are. Nobody should not have to feel guilt over reclining one’s seat—it reclines for a reason and it is because you can and you probably should.
If you are traveling with family and want to be seated together, you cannot assume that a stranger will happily give up their seat so you can all be seated together. People pay extra now to get to sit where they want, and if you want the same assurance, then you should, too.
And if this all seems overwhelming and you feel that considering the feelings of others is too much of a task on top of managing your children on a flight, you can definitely hold off the air travel for when the kids are a bit older and are easier to manage. My daughter is now 9 and her first time to travel abroad on a plane was when she was 2 1/2 years old. Her memories of that trip: 0.
