There is a notion that a wedding must be perfect, when in fact it only needs to be good. Once something is already beautiful, you can now focus on the best parts: making memories with your loved ones.
If the past few decades are any indication, millennials seem to have developed a fascination for self-help books. The ‘90s and early 2000s gave birth to these comprehensive guides such as the cult classic For Dummies (1991) series. The title itself is a play on the 2004 Nickelodeon sitcom Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide.
Those born between 1981 and 1996 are now either looking to settle down or at least welcome the idea. If you came here looking to learn how to fix a bowtie or what joke to open your wedding vows, here’s one for you: Compassionate, loyal, sincere—these are words that describe a great man. But enough about me, here are some tips when planning a wedding:
1. You’re on the same team
It’s so important that it needs to be mentioned first. Whether you have a year, six months, or even one month to plan for a wedding, disagreements are bound to happen. In some cases, fights, but as long as you remember, that the person you’re arguing with is your partner for life, an understanding will always be in reach. They’re not out there to get you.
And as the groom, break the mold of generations of men who have been passive about wedding planning. Your bride is probably as stressed and anxious as you are about training your dog to be the flower child.
2. Location, location, location (and theme)
Say it together now on three—if you both had different ideas on where to hold your wedding, it’s worth sitting down to weigh your options. The venue will set a precedence on many factors that will impact the rest of your plans. Whether you want it to be a destination wedding or a more conventional church and reception event, the location will dictate that.
Choosing a theme will also play a pivotal role in the succeeding phases of the plan. The core of your vision will be this and it allows cohesion and direction of your ideas to realize what best represents your personalities as individuals and as a couple.
3. Create a digital wedding HQ (a shared drive)
A love nest, if you will—okay, I heard it too. But it’s important to have a shared online drive as a depository of information. In the initial period of bouncing off ideas, it will be hard to keep track of everything mentioned and who knows, once a more concrete vision forms, some things are just worth revisiting.
Pegs, mockup, or the wedding dress that came to your dreams, place it there. Pretty soon, a central theme can place a majority of it into buckets naturally.
With that in hand, you can then proceed to make your shared vision board. It’s a visualization tool that can express ideas and how you want them to look like accomplished. Having this easily accessible in your shared love nest will be helpful in the next step.
4. Join bridal fairs
Wedding expos and conventions serve as hubs for soon-to-wed couples, offering a variety of wedding suppliers, food vendors, hotels, and other essential services to kickstart their planning. A quick search on social media would immediately yield results and dates throughout the year.
These expos provide valuable context on the things that you might need for your wedding. Plus, bridal fairs offer a variety of bargains when you book suppliers during the event.
Do you remember the vision board? Many suppliers, especially, venues, wedding planners, and stylists would often ask for a deck, which has proven helpful when people you meet are more visual in describing their preferences. In that way, you would appear more prepared and it helps identify what you need or don’t.
When you attend these fairs, you’ll see several all-in wedding packages being offered. These are not one-size-fits-all. They are typically grand pitches designed to entice you into choosing a company’s inclusive deals. Now, this isn’t a bad thing. For some people, this works. It’s less time-consuming, and sometimes, it’s more affordable.
If you have a clearer vision of your special day, you and your partner deserve the wedding you imagined. Sometimes, a little patience is all it takes to find suppliers that share your vision.
If you’re not too pressed for time, it would be wise to attend at least three expos preferably organized by different organizations. This will ensure you’re making an informed decision in booking your suppliers.
It can be overwhelming since they usually hold these in convention centers. Just take it easy on your first fair. Hold off on booking anyone just yet unless a particular supplier resonates with you both and the cost is practical. Learn as much as you can and take note of the people you meet.
Pro tip: You’ll be greeted by a large hall of friendly smiles with captivating booth displays and a TON of freebies. I suggest you leave the mobile bars last or you’ll end up with a buzz at 10 o’clock in the morning.
5. Set a budget…and prepare to be amazed
I reserve this in the middle simply because if you set a budget before everything else, it might affect how you make decisions on your wedding. Prioritize what excites you without going beyond your means. The reality is you will probably go over the budget due to reasons that are largely out of your control. A wedding will always be expensive no matter what you do. It’s about getting the best value for your money and being happy with the results.
If you really need to cut expenses, consider keeping a spreadsheet that tracks the funds you’re willing to spend. Take notes on particular items and non-negotiable expenses like wedding bands or the bride and groom’s wardrobe.
As for the wardrobe, it doesn’t have to be spectacularly sewn by a blind tailor who miraculously regained sight just to stitch your clothes. Consider supporting local artisans who know their craft—they might even offer discounts for your entourage, too.
You can also negotiate with suppliers by excluding miscellaneous items like bridal tunnels and makeshift doors. In terms of wedding favors—let’s be honest, not a lot of people will keep items with your faces on them. Instead, opt for meaningful items that resonate with you and your partner and can leave a lasting impression on your guests.
Among several expenses that you’ll encounter, one of the biggest contributors to this is the number of guests that you want to be there, which we’re going to talk about shortly.
6. The fewer people, the merrier (use the 5-year rule)
Does either of you have 50 cousins with kids while the other has like, three friends? I think on some levels, this is more important than the budget. The number of guests will dictate the food you need to serve. A caterer isn’t cheap. Depending on the number of people invitees, this could easily fall around the range of a quarter of a million pesos.
At the same time, a bad caterer can sour a perfect wedding. What you can do is sign up and attend food tasting events to have a feel of their courses and ensure it fits the general feel and palate of your guests.
Try not to feel pressured by the notion ‘Nakakahiya kanila ‘ano’ and the typical Pinoy sentiment of inviting barangay captains and the 15 third cousins of your local barber who somehow is your relative.
Communicate with your partner about the guest list for friends using the five-year rule: Have you interacted with this person in the last five years, and was it a positive experience? Imagine sharing a meal with them and your fiancée—is it something you’d enjoy? It may be tough to admit, but there’s a difference between not being in touch and maintaining a meaningful friendship.
Try not to feel pressured by the notion ‘Nakakahiya kanila ‘ano’ and the typical Pinoy sentiment of inviting barangay captains and the 15 third cousins of your local barber who somehow is your relative. Prioritize inviting people who you’d feel excited to see and converse with for more than 10 minutes without small talk.
Although this is your special day, it’s also a celebration of love from the people who have supported you both in arriving at this point in your lives. By keeping it close to family and real friends, you will cherish every single moment of that day. No awkward encounters.
7. Divide the tasks according to your strengths
Something as basic as being good with numbers while the other thrives in coordinating between multiple people can make a powerful team. The short answer is: to divide the tasks. Ideally, a wedding planner can help you with this, but if you think you’ve got a good handle on it, then by all means, project manage the (expletive) out of it.
8. Almost is good enough
There is a notion that a wedding must be perfect, when in fact it only needs to be good. It doesn’t necessarily mean settling for less, but recognizing that once something is already beautiful, you can now focus on the best parts—making the memory of celebrating happiness with your loved ones.
You can research all available flower arrangements and change the options for chairs, both of which are more expensive than you thought. Instead, you can actually take a step back and acknowledge that it looks good. Does it work? Great. Move on to the next decision. Or better yet, relax and enjoy the process.
Stressing over the smallest details always rarely matters. You have to remember the more important things—stay in the moment and be proud of holding this massive celebration with your friends, family, and now for the first time—your spouse.